as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
