i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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