Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
