Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
