Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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