Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
