Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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