yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
