I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
