he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I believe in your delicious
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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