there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
