hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
