You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
birth control should be required to get into college
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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