shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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