Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
