Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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