My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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