Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
