Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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