Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
