im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
