Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
