There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
