Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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