Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
