I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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