my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
third nipple confirmed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
