Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
