Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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