apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
