That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
