why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize