break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
4 words: hood of his car
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
