if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
