Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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