i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
