Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize