I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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