the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize