The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
