my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
