Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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