i need an iv and a liver transplant
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
