No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize