if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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