i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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