just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize