Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
