you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
