We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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