Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
