There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize