New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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