she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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