I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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