I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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