if only i could text you this smell
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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