how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize