He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
