he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
