I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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