a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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