I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
