that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize