He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
