Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
