What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
