I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
